Why Having Faith Can Be Messy…

I never really struggled much before in having faith that God existed. I guess I was lucky in a sense for feeling him reach out to me and knowing his presence from a young age.

He was always there calling to me, showing me his love, and trying to have a relationship with me.

However, I did struggle with having faith when it comes to surrendering and giving up trying to control my own life. I didn’t know if what I was doing was what God wanted me to do or not. And so that, mixed with my free will, I ended up just doing whatever I wanted basically.

It’s strange looking back at those times though because afterwards I’m able to see Gods hands in my life even when I wasn’t necessarily doing the right things. It’s strange how even before I was “saved”, I still had a relationship and a knowing that God exists and is sovereign.

All this to say that, your faith in God and even your trust in him, won’t always be a consistent stream. We are humans, we go through our own struggles too. But I think what’s important is that even if your faith is as small as a mustard seed sometimes, or as big as a mountain, that we never let it fade away completely.

And I think what’s so beautiful about God is that even if you do lose your faith completely, he will always be chasing after you.

And his unending grace and love and mercy will be there to plant that mustard seed again for you.